"I wish I could no longer be in love with her,

but shooting stars won't grant it.

I wish I had never fallen in love with her,

but fate had already planned it."

- Kamiz

Stuck?

This, coming from personal experience.....

You'll always be stuck. Why? You're still wondering why you weren't good enough. The thing is, it's not that you weren't good enough but your quality wasn't appreciated. So, until you realize that you're one of God's greatest creations, you'll always be stuck in the same place. The longer you remain, the more cemented you become. The more you search for answers in that bad place, the more you'll try to regain control, the lesser your self-worth will become. You try so hard to be in control, but that will never happen. Let it go, realize that you're worth way more and yes, it might be hard, but it's for the greater good.

Life...

Life isn't fair, but it's still good. Life is too short-- enjoy it. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present and the future. It's OK to let your children see you cry.Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn't be in it. Take a deep breath, it calms the mind. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. It's never too late to be happy. But it's all up to you and no one else. When it comes time to go after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. Burn the nice candles, use the nice sheets, wear the nice lingerie, wear the nice clothes. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.Over prepare, then go with the flow. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years will this matter?' Always choose life. Forgive but don't forget. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.If we all threw our problems in a pile and we saw everyone else's, we'd grab our's back. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need. Yield. Friends are the family we choose. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

(Regina Brett: www.reginabrett.com)

Mayonnaise Jar

Some of you might know this already. It hasn't lost it's value though. So profound.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the drinks.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cans from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the cans of beverage represented.
 

The professor smiled. "I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of drinks."

....So, Start Searching

It's A Myth...But Not Really

"Your respect is as high as your demand and with the love you have to give, she cant help but pause her time hoping that you will find her. You're the one good thing that's left so she has nothing but time to give. You know how to point out the worth in others but your downfall is you have yet to find the worth in yourself. To find it is to find her, so start searching.." and this is just a myth..it will never happen in the way you expect it..so be decisive..if you wanna settle, settle, if you don't wanna, keep it moving.

Reflections: Decisions When You're Young

When you're young, you just wanna have fun. Sometimes it's limitless and reckless, but it's fun, right? Well, the reality of it is that some don't make it out of the phase without long-term or even life-long reminders of where they went wrong and how they should've listened to their "mom's" wise words. But, while you contend with the "scars" from your past, where is your "party-animal" now? How has it helped you to deal with the issues? Where is the liquor? Has the dare-devil been exorcised? As far as I see it, the best way to learn if to look at the mistakes of others. 

Become familiar with the term "delayed gratification". It's not a popular term in our day, age and generation. We want it now. Instantaneously. 

I'm not gonna sit around this desk, write the blog entry and tell you that I've been this perfect person. For me to be writing this to you, it took a certain amount of experience and analysis of it to come to these conclusions. Yes, this is just a reflection on my life.So:
1. There is no halfway. You're either bad or good.
2. Mistakes are stepping stones. Become stronger from downfalls.
3. Do not worry about going slowly. Worry about being stagnant.
4. Better choices save you time, money and tears.
5. Friends MAKE you or BREAK you.

Is It What It Is? Can You Change It?

It is what it is, it's not what it's not..sometimes it also is what it's "not" and of course, sometimes it's NOT what it "is".

What am I saying? My belief in "fate" and "destiny" is really limited when I plug "freedom of choice" into the equation.

It is a fact that decision making and that factors that affect it can change the course of your life forever.

I like to liken life to my favorite sport, basketball. Basketball is a game of runs. Sometimes you're on a roll, scoring a lot of points, making good defensive plays, then the opponent either steps it up or you get complacent and you begin losing momentum, and you end up trailing and if you don't catch yourself and go on another run, you lose the game.

Pro-Basketballers have film sessions after each game, win or lose. In film sessions, they watch the tape of the game. They evaluate the game, see what could be better, and see what else they can do to exploit their opponent in the next game.

I think that in life, we should have regular film sessions. We should regularly evaluate where we are, what we're doing and what we can do to enhance our experience for best results.

In my next post I will explore how this could have helped me to avoid my latest "tragedy".

The "Whip Of Independence"

This is NOT a sexist post. You will notice that it's from my opinion as a male in the dating world.

"I don't need a man for ANYTHING"...."He's so worthless, he doesn't do....." "I don't need a man to pay for me"..."He's so f*%%$% mean, he doesn't even pay for...." "The only good men left are gay or taken".."He's just a friend though.."

By now you should figure out where this is going and if you haven't, you must have started reading this while going on or hearing on of the most common rants in recent times. 

Quite frankly, I don't intend to spend a lotta time on this and I'm not gonna go into detail. I just have a few things to say. 

Ladies, we're CONFUSED! What do you want? If you're gonna act and be all independent, why do you still expect the same from guys? If guys are constantly beaten with the "Independent Whip", what's gonna happen to our relationships?

Then I've heard the stupid argument of "It's his job to still do this!" So, what exactly is your job? To tell him just how independent you are and can be? To tell him you don't need him while he's trying his best? To remind him that although he just made the great effort to make you happy, you can just get up and leave his no-good ass just because you're independent? 

Ladies, you have to shape up. We really can't take any more from the cat-o-nine of liberation. If a man is doing a good job, commend him, suggest what he could do to enhance, but don't bash.

 Men, you have to be more reliable. Honesty is the best policy. If you can't manage the responsibility, just say so or walk away. 

There's a lotta detail missing but I'm done ranting now. As you were.

Blah.

The urgent and fervent desire to change, from thought to action it seems very strange. Epiphanies and bad decisions later, what's left of me I'm trying to savor! Time isn't running out, yet it is, I wanna close the deal, wanna be done with this. I see what pleases me well, but could it be that I'm going to hell? Avoiding reality while staring it dead-on in the eye: "I can't live without you, it'd hurt to try." My connection is severed and I can't do it by myself, yet I have to do it alone; nobody else. In the search for fulfillment I made a false start, but it would seem as though I've already given away my heart! Now what do I have to work with? Nothing at all, unless I take it back before I fall..deeper in!

Denied

The thing is, I'd do it without question, or even a second thought. But hey, that's just me. It's true what they say though. Family: Sometimes related by blood and nothing else.

What Now?

The sleepless nights to the assurance. The I love you and please buy that ring for insurance. The smile returning and the happiness at peak...everything man, week after week. Homework and the many papers completed..advice until the well was almost depleted..Where did it all go? From the rings to the dress to that matrimonial account..now you look at me with resentment, what's that about? You sold it to me, every bit of it..now I'm the one left here in this dark place to sit..you didn't even say you're sorry..I mean, you might think because I'm a guy you don't need to worry..Karma is a chick of deviant character..so watch what you do and watch what comes after!

Double Standard

In today's world, women are at and are still coming to the forefront. They are taking charge and they demand equality. I have no problem with that. It's all good and well. Why is it that when situations don't suit them they seek to beg for mercy claiming that they're the weaker ones and equality no longer matters for that single moment. They want to get ahead professionally by being equal with men but emotionally they still want to be protected. Double standard if you ask me.

Live Life With No Regrets, Only Lessons Learned = B.S

How many times have you heard, "Live Life With No Regrets, Only Lessons Learned." In my opinion, if we do things that put put anyone or more importantly ourselves at a disadvantage, we have to be sorry and make amends. Being apologetic doesn't mean that you're weak. In fact, a true a apology is one of the best manifestations of a strong character, superior judgment and integrity.
We must take care though to observe the process and it's correct administration. Don't dwell on the past and it's mistakes. Make it right (even with yourself) and move on. This is paramount, or else we'll just keep making the same mistakes over and over. What is the purpose of learning lessons if they wont be used for character building and wisdom? For the sake of knowledge? Rubbish. Maybe if we put them to use we wouldn't make the same mistakes over and over. Ignoring the mistakes, leaving them unevaluated and unresolved only leaves us susceptible to making them again.. "Live Life With No Regrets, Only Lessons Learned." = B.S... Something to think about...Be Genuinely Sorry, Learn Lessons, Move On Whilst Applying These Lessons...@ least that's how I see it.

Escape...

A trap, a cage, a prison? A deliberate attempt and clever attempt to fool the trapped into thinking they're actually free...until the side effects begin to surface..It's different from the traditional snares whose evils can normally be spotted from a thousand miles away..In order to escape I have to define it..By the time I think about it, it's time to engage in another of its supposed liberties..I guess human nature would be the closest thing to an excuse for this behavior..but..what is there to escape from? How can a myriad of side effects compare to a few hours, @ times minutes, of 'fun'? Suddenly, while writing this, I realize that this is not new...It's been happening forever..What's new is my resolve to escape, which I must do, in order to 'live', but then again, time is promised to no man. Shucks...All I have is now!

A-mazing..

Yeh..you're ma number one..you don't have to ask..Living with/without you leaves me with a mask..So that I can truly hide the delight lest my sanity finds its way out..body armor up to the throat because I wanna remain alive to be with you because my heart wants to come out of my chest in due loyalty..your lips, them thighs, your eyes lead to open skies..in the windows to heaven I see, a reflection of the damsel with who I wanna be...So profound with that opinion, lawyers quake in their gowns, whoever said you're a loser is a circus reject..cuz even clowns get serious n break their act when they hear u speak & look @ you from front to back..side to side..up and under...over and out..this feeling welling up inside makes me wanna shout!Free me..free my love...You're ma number one, I'm sure..whether I end up rich or God forbid poor..but that doesn't matter does it?Cuz my love is free..my only guarantee..not silver nor gold..not that SUV..lol..Its all in a dream n I pray, when will I get my amazing one right..Oh Jeez.I pray it's tonight..A-mazing..that's who you are..leading the pack by far..You're ma number 1 that's what I'm about..all I'll say is, make it count..

Be Wise...

The Figure Will Wither, The Beauty Will Fade, So Youthful Stupor You Must Evade..Love Those Who Love You & Keep Them Near So When Those Days Come You'll Have No Fear! - by Patrick Clarke

Epiphanies...

I think I'm so weird because I get lots and lots of epiphanies daily..They usually last for a minute or two and at best I think about them for a couple hours. Then I snap back from reality into my little space. Where it's comfy and easier to deal with stuff. But, just today, I had one that I was unable to shrug off. When I tried to factor in the pros and cons along with the cost of ignoring it, it was indeed cheaper to throw it to the wind. But the catch would be that in the long run I'd end up with a few good stories and a whole truck load of regrets. There is no easy way to do what I must, but in order to influence the amount of good stories and regrets I end up with, I must. In this case, working hard and working smartly have no difference between them because they both cost the same. If I had ignored this..bleak future huh?damn...
Don't ignore your epiphanies...you just might be on to something...

The 1st 5 days....

The first 5 days of May have been quite insightful. I didn't know so much could happen in a few days. My eyes were opened, my thinking cleared and my resolve to continue to be who I am heightened. These past few days have really shown me why I chose to be who I am now. But as if I didn't know the before, I too had forgotten the watchwords. Compromise and sacrifice filled my thoughts. Though not bad concepts or behavior patterns, I implore you to only engage in which is profitable and reciprocated and/or worthwhile or else it will have been in vain unless of course it is for the god of whichever belief system you choose to subscribe to.

Another lesson learned from these past few days is that loyalty counts for a whole lot. As the watchwords go, "Death Before Dishonor", these are words I live by and will continue to live by. It is completely nonsensical to have you allegiance scattered in many places. Be defined, be accurate, be sure, be confident and don't place your satisfaction and confidence in the pursuit of success because if that fades you're in for a breakdown which you may not recover from.

Finally, words were made to be said, whether loosely or for meaningful purposes. Most people say things fitting for their particular situation which is not in itself a bad thing. When it is used to cover up true feelings, and repeated, that is when one becomes fake, a liar, and somewhat a thief. In the case of relationships, you are a fake because you're not showing the true you to your "partner", you're a liar because you utter misleading statements and make untrue bodily gestures to send across the message which strays from the truth and a thief in the sense that you swindle time under false pretenses. I have learned that if you do this, you will pay dearly, if not before your death, in the judgment. But hey, that's my opinion. But think of the Golden Rule. And then think of instances in which we are forbidden to render evil for evil.

Well..summer is upon us and this shall be an eventful summer..I assure you..
PC Out!

What do you do?

What do you do when you know the truth..you just want the person to admit the to the truth and repent or make a decision..whether to continue in the way they are going or choose in your favor..but the person just continues to lie and not matter what you try...they continue to lie...?What do you do?
Perfect resemblance of the situation between us & God huh?
Well..God waits until he's ready to say it is finished...when will I?

My Summer..

The most interesting summer of my life is on it's way..lmao..this one promises to knock all others out the way..jus tune in for updates as I poetically try to make sense of "My Summer"!